---

Scene 6: Outside the Bongo Club

TC & Nelson are talking to the Bouncer

TC
Listen here you daft cxnt, why don’t you just f**k off and eat a bag of d*cks

Bouncer
& what did he say?

TC
Nuttin!… he just waddl’d off dinnee – I mean, I aint paid an Edinburgh City parking fine in ten years & I’m not gonna start now

Bouncer
Damn right! in you go lads – & I hope you’re not up anything tonight TC

TC
Would I?

TC shakes Bouncers hand as they go in / the bouncer opens his hand to find a red & blue ecstasy tablet

Bouncer
Red or blue? Red or blue? Sod it

Bouncer double drops

---

Scene 7: The Bongo Club

Erb & Ting are playing – Laura & Maria are among the ravers

REAL DEAL

MC
Monkey to the West, monkey to the East
Something going on in the call of yer mind
Cos theres a whistle posse cryin for peace
Everybodys grooving to the thrill in your mind

All
So come on, come on now, come on
Cos this is the real deal people
Come on, come on now, come on
Cos this is the real deal
So tell me how does it feel

MC
It’s so hot, burnin’ like a sauna
If ya call yer mother y’know she’ll disown yer
Everybody’s happy, the club’s like a beach
There’s a simple presence that we’re tryin to preach

All
So come on, come on now, come on
Cos this is the real deal people
Come on, come on now, come on
Cos this is the real deal
So tell me how does it feel

Enter Nelson & TC

TC
My body is a beach
The waves they keep on comin
& theyre comin on in waves
These rushes up my body x2

Nelson
It’s so sharp, sharper than a razor
It gives a little sizzle when ya dip in the sea
& it cut some ice, cut it like a lazer,
Everybodys digging who ya tryin to be

MC
So come on, come on now, come on
Cos this is the real deal people
Come on, come on now, so come on
Cos this is the real deal
So tell me how does it feel

Ravers
Movin & a grooving & a moving & a grooving
& a moving & a grooving all over the place
Movin & a grooving & a moving & a grooving
& a moving & a grooving all over the place

Nelson
Deep & fat, dirty & funky
Sing it like a cat or swing it like a monkey
What ya do with yer time is yer own design
Everybodys groovin to the thrill in yer mind

Harmony 1
So come on, come on now, come on
Cos this is the real deal people
Come on, come on now, so come on
Cos this is the real deal

Harmony 2
My body is a beach
The waves they keep on comin
& theyre comin on in waves
These rushes up my body

Harmony 3
Movin & a grooving & a moving & a grooving
& a moving & a grooving all over the place

***

Nelson
Its kickin off tonight, big style

TC
Yeah man
{giving Nelson a few pills}
In case we split up

Nelson
I’m proper mash’d already me, these blue eccies are absolutely blindin – gimme some love bro
{they hug}
Talking of love – I love Lily, me, I really do love her, but bloody hell, it’s like the hen-do of the gods tonight

TC
Yeah, man, check out those two Latinos over there
{pullin out pills & pointing to Maria & Laura doing doing an erotic dance}
I might even get a chance to try out one of these babies

Nelson
What are those – viagra?

TC
Nah mate, Ketamagra

Nelson
Ketamagra, what the fucks that

TC
Horse viagra – they keep you up for days bruv, if you know what I mean

Nelson
Uugh – you’re a fuckin animal you – & yer got disco foam

TC
{wiping pasties with finger & thumb}
Is it gone?

Nelson
Nah mate

TC
{wiping furiously}
Gone nah?

Nelson
Yeah, looking good

TC
Sweet – so back to business, I’ve got a pocket full of bitch tokens & I wanna cash ’em in

They reach Maria & Laura

TC
Good evening ladies

Nelson
Maria! Laura!

Maria & Laura
Ciao Nelson!

Nelson
What the fuck are you doing here?

Maria
We are looking for Alessandro, have you seen him?

Laura
He’s-a meesing

Nelson
He’s missing as well! This shit is just getting crazier & crazier

TC
Sorry to interrupt ladies – I hope you don’t mind – but it appears that you all know each other?

Nelson
We met in Italy a couple of days ago – they’re Don Vito’s girls

TC
Wow, well, welcome to Scotland – my name’s TC
{kissing hands}
Now, why don’t you three find a table, & have a wee catch up – I’ll bring some drinks over, yeah, what are you having?

Laura
We like champagne

TC
{splurting out his drink}
Champagne…!?

Maria
Si, good champagne

Nelson
Just get the drinks TC… I’ll have a lager, here you are girls, lets take this table

---

Scene 7: Outside the Bongo

Barry the Bouncer is buzzing / City arrives running

Bouncer
Good Evening Felicity

City
Alright Barry – is TC in

Bouncer
He certainly is – he’s got some proper nice pills n’all, I’m buzzin mi tits off here

City
Very professional

Bouncer
In you go darlin’

City enters the club, Charlie & Bulldog arrive

Bouncer
Alright boys

Charlie
Bulldog!

Bulldog steps up eagerly & sparks out the Bouncer / He then grabs the Bouncer by shoulders & slaps him about a bit

Bulldog
He’s out cold

Charlie
Leave him

Bulldog
Still got it, aint I boss?

Charlie
You never lost it, Bulldog, you never lost it – now in we go, keep yer eyes peel’d

---

Scene 9: Nightclub

Nelson, TC, Laura & Maria are in deep discussion around a table, the rave is bangin’ all around

MC
Posse ready, posse go… hey hey hey!!
Posse ready, posse go… hoe hoe hoe!!

Enter City

City
Boys! Boys!

Nelson
City – are you alright?

City
Charlie knows you’re here – he’s on his way his down right now – he’s gonna be here any minute

Nelson
Fuck – what are we gonna do?

TC
We’re gonna get out of here, that’s what we’re gonna do

Nelson
But what about…

Laura
We go weeeth you

TC
Right lets skedaddle – we can get onto the Royal Mile thro’ the upstairs’ bit

Exit City, Nelson, TC, Laura & Maria / enter Charlie & Bulldog – jostled by ravers, checking everybody in club / causing trouble

MC
We aint got no time for no light-weight’s an no slaver chops, fuck keeping your trainers clean… let’s ave it… wait a minute – who are these fuckin wannabee bad boys messin up the vibes – donít come ‘ere an try & be Moses partin the rave sea…. get out of my fuckin club

Charlie snaps / draws gun from sling / roars / Lets rip at MC / the stunned MC drops behind decks / other ravers run out

MC
Security to the dancefloor – security to the dancefloor

Charlie lets off a few more rounds, when it stops clicking the MC gets up & dashes out

Bulldog
Bleedin ‘ell gav, ya’ve emptied ya clip… & the club…

Charlie
I fuckin hate dance music me – it sounds like someone’s kickin a drum kit doon a set of stairs

Enter Bouncer, raving

Bouncer
Alright boys – whats going on – why has the music stopped?

Bulldog
Can I do ‘im again boss, can I, can I?

Charlie
Nah, he’s done, & so am I – not to mention thoroughly piss’d off – come on Bulldog, let’s get out of here

Bouncer
Nice one lads! Top fuckin night!

Exit Charlie & Bulldog

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