SCENE 1 – Peebles Town Centre

 Brenda the Busker is sat underneath a cash machine with a guitar & a fake comedy dog / she is singing a song / enter a Wee Gadgie

Brenda
Alright big man, help the homeless

Gadgie I
I’m skint mate

Brenda
No worries, have a good night

Gadgie I
How am I gonna have a good night with no money, get a job yer fuckin’ hobo

Exit Gadgie I, enter Nelson

Brenda
Nelson!!

Nelson
Alright Brenda, how’s tricks?

Brenda
Y’know, surviving… but wots up wi’ you Nelson, your face is trippin’ ya

Nelson
Bad day at work, y’know, my boss is a proper pain-in-the ass

Brenda
I’ve never had a boss, me… I’m me own boss

Nelson
Lucky you

Brenda
Spare any change?

Nelson
What, I earn it so you can spend it on smack

Brenda
Nah, mate, gone clean, sorted mi ‘ed out – this is just for the hostel tonight

Nelson
{giving change}
Why not, I’ve put in a bit of overtime this week

Brenda
You’re a star pal
{Nelson starts drawing out his money}
Yo Nelson – you’ve been comin’ to this cash point every Friday now for as long as I can remember – wearing the same old chinos & the same pair of shoes

Nelson
Yeah, & you’ve been here every fuckin time

Brenda
I know that, its mi job innit, but what do you do every Friday night?

Nelson
You know, the usual, I go down the pub with me mates – that’s where I’m off to now, for a night on the tiles

Brenda
{standing up}
Look, mate, since I got mi head together I’ve been thinking a lot about life & I’ve got a wee bit of advice for ya

***

TURNAROUND

Brenda
Kid make a fresh start
Let’s take the new road to walk down
Cos you know in your heart
That it’s time to leave your hometown
It’s a big world out there
Millions of girls your own age, horny,
Let me tell you man I swear
If I had the chance I would always keep on moving

Nelson
I’ve bin grindin’ my bones for all these years
For a sack full of stones & a sink full of tears
First they fill you with loans
& then they kill your ideas
Our planet – is waiting for us all

Brenda
It’s time to turnaround (x 3)
& head on down the loose track baby
& never turnaround & think of home
& then oh maybe
You will find a finer place of liberty & life
The tales you’ll tell beside the fireplace
To all your children & their children

Nelson
I’ve bin stuck in a rut & I can’t break free
Bin bustin’ mi gut in a factory
Industrial slut & I’ve lost my dreams
But our planet – is waitin’ for us all

Brenda
It’s time to turnaround
It’s time to turnaround
It’s time to turnaround
& hear the sound of your heart singin’
Come on boy leave ya friends
& family & all the things you know
It’s time to go, cos there’s
A better life if you can find it
& tho’ the road is lined with trials
There’s mystery if you don’t mind it

Brenda & Nelson
It’s time to (time to) turnaround
It’s time to (time to) turnaround

***

Nelson
Cheers mate, ya right, this towns shit, I might as well split, the worlds my oyster innit, but where should I go first?

Brenda
The Big City kid, it’ll make a man o’ yer

Nelson
The Big City – what, Glasgow?

Brenda
Fuckoff – not Weegieland, that dump’s full of numpties, I meant the capital, the capital of Scotland – the Athens of the North, the Dingwall of the South – Edinburgh

Nelson
Edinburgh! Well, I’ve always thought I’d check it one day

Brenda
Of course you should laddie – I mean look at this place – it’s more like a retirement village – you should be thinkin’ about visitin’ the continent – not the incontinent – This place is just a graveyard with a TK Max

Nelson
You know, you’re right, I think I’m gonna do it

Brenda
Of course I’m right, the streets are in my blood, brother – I see everything me – anyway, there’s a bus leaving this evening, why don’t you jump on it

Nelson
Tonight…. that’s a bit soon, innit

Brenda
Time & red hot, horny ladies shaking their asses on a Friday night wait for no man

Nelson
Y’know, I’m gonna do it – yeah, fuck it, I’m doing it – I’ll send you a postcard, yeah

Brenda
Not to this bank though, I get all mi mail sent to the Barclays up the road

Nelson
Right O, catch yer on the flipside sister

Exit Nelson / Brenda carries on busking

---

---

SCENE 2 – Edinburgh

A busy Princes Street – TC is hanging out – Nelson gets off the bus

Nelson
Wow this is mental – look at the buildings – the hi-tech trams – the castle – the women!

TC
Welcome to the capital kid, you sound like you’re from outta town, where ya from?

Nelson
Some place ya never heard of

TC
Just arrived have ya

Nelson
Yeah, I’m fresh off the bus

TC
Cool, they call me TC

Nelson
Nelson

TC
Say, kid, its Friday night, I’m goin’ ravin, you like to party

Nelson
Sometimes

TC
Well my mate’s just given me a few cheeky pills – the very the latest out of Amsterdam

Nelson
What, ecstasy

TC
Yeah… he flew in this morning with a few hundred stuck up his ass

Nelson
Uuuugh

TC
Dont worry, he used protection – now then, dya wanna try one or not

Nelson
Go on then

TC
Here you go pal – tell me what ya think

TC passes Nelson a pill

Nelson
Uuugh – that tastes rank

TC
That’s the MDMA that is, the bitter it tastes, the better the mash-up, right

Nelson
I guess so – wait a minute – fuckin’ hell

TC
Are you alright kid

Nelson
I think so… I come up on my drugs straight away me – mi doctor says its my hyperactive metabolisms or something

***

ULTRA-GROOVY HIGH

Nelson
There’s nothing of this world
Like a free & easy man
He can do whatever he wants to
& what he likes he’ll do
Whatever, whenever he can
I’m a-rollin’, easy strollin’
Down the road, I hear my callin’
In the music that I’m singin’ man
Its the only way to make the streets
Your own

Because the way I’m feelin’ now
I didn’t even know that it existed,
The way I’m feelin’ ultra-groovy
Brothers & my sisters
& I might be a nobody
But I’m the star o’ my own movie
Up, down, turnaround
I’m ultra-groovy high

TC
Wooah kid… are you alright

Nelson
No, mate, I’m really suffering

TC
Shit, sorry

Nelson
Yeah I’m suffering… from a case of top quality banter

TC
Ha-ha – its them pills mate, so they’re proper decent, yeah?

Nelson
Fuckin magic mate, I’m flyin here

TC
Wicked, I might try one myself

Nelson
What, have you never tried these before

TC
Course not, I always get a muppet to neck one first… lookin at the nick of you I might just have an half

Nelson
Ya cheeky bastard

TC
Cheeky’s my middle name kid

Nelson
I’m a-skippin thro’ the subways
In my bliss’d-out sister love haze
& I’m a-driftin thro my drug days
& the super-shlinky soul light’s
Shinin’ thro’…

Nelson & TC
Because the way I’m feelin now
I didn’t even know that it existed
The way Im feelin ultra-groovy
Brothers & my sisters
& I might be a nobody
But I’m the star o’ my own movie
Up, down, turnaround
I’m ultra-groovy high

Nelson
& it’s true what the say about livin
I guess yer live until yer die
Cos the time we spend must fly
I’m livin’ on an ultra groovy high

TC
& now I’m ultra groovy high,
Ive found an oasis
I’m gonna see places I’ve never seen before
Opening doors, breaking yer laws
I’m feelin like a force of nature hollerin
The valley of Kings now I’ve spread my wings
& I can fly

***

TC
You’re right, these pills are hard core, bruv – I’m fuckin’ flyin here

Nelson
Told ya

TC
You’ll diddly do for me brother – gizza cuddle
{they cuddle}
Like I said, there’s a wicked rave on down the Bongo Club tonight – its call’d Mumbo Jumbo – fancy a boogie

Nelson
Do bears shit in the woods

TC
Dunno, don’t get bears in the big city, but what we do get is proper phat phumpin beats – lets go – word to the wise tho, don’t try any of that ‘up, down turnaround’ shit, you’ll get slapp’d for being a nobhead – but before we kick off the good times we’re going shopping for sure – there’s a nice little retro shop down the Grassmarket – get you out of those townie threads – you look like my granddad

Nelson
What yer talking about, this lot cost me a fortune

TC
Well they saw you comin’… Trust me, you look like a dick, now come on before the shops shut

Exit TC & Nelson

---

---

SCENE 3 – The New Bongo Club

 

Nightclub – there is a bar, a bouncer & a dance floor / Lily, Sally & Ally sharing a tequila with General

***

MUMBO JUMBO

All
Stevie Austin, we thought we’d lost him
But now he’s back on with some breaks from Boston x 3

Mumbo Jumbo (take me higher) x 4

And when the kids are coming up
& as the bouncers getting down
The music’s taking us higher
To higher ground

Enter The Cool Pool General carrying a tray of tequilas

General
Down on the dance floor, I couldn’t find mi dealer
Want to entrance more, so I bought some tequila
When you feel flakey, honey,
Shakey, shakey, shake yer money
There’s one thing’ll heal ya – that’s a shot of tequila!

Raver
Why did the Mexican push his wife off the cliff?
TEQUILA!

All
Mumbo Jumbo (take me higher) x 4

And when the kids are coming up
& as the bouncers getting down
The music’s taking us higher
To higher ground

Enter TC & Nelson

TC
Well mi name is TC, I’m on a smart E
Lookin’ for a bangin’, phat girlie
The Tiger Cubs are ripping up the club
& everybody’s tripping to the woo-woo
Its Stevie Austin, they thought they’d lost him
But now he’s back on with some breaks from Boston
Top banana, hot love karma,
Nelson’s looking chuff’d
Cause I took him to the club where all the
Mumbo Jumbo kids are coming up
& as the bouncer’s getting down
The music’s taking us higher
To higher ground

 

TC
Welcome to the Bongo club brother, whaddaya reckon?

Nelson
Fuckin’ tops, there’s nothing like this in my hometown

TC
Yeah, all handbag house & happy slappers down your way – welcome to paradise – I mean – have you ever seen such quality tottie

Nelson
Only on the telly

TC
Trust me, mate, most of ’em are… available…
know what I mean?

General
Yo TC, long time no see, where’ve ya bin

TC
Got stuck in a lift mate

General
Did ya? Anyway am I glad to see you

TC
Why what’s up?

General
The clubs dry, pal, everyone’s necked their pills, the dealers are nowhere to be seen & we’ve finished off the house tequila – even the legal highs are illegal these days – since them SNP got in power it’s been proper hard to get off you face – please tell me yer packing summat TC?

TC
Not really, I could spare you a bit of billy

General
Nah, I don’t touch the devil’s dandruff mate, me & just about everyone else in the the club’s looking for ecstasy

TC
Sorry mate, can’t help ya

General
Nah worries, nuff respect

TC
Respect… yo, Nelson, I’d like to introduce you to a good friend of mine… Nelson, meet the Cool Pool General, best hustler in Scotland

Nelson
Nice to meet ya

General
Likewise… say TC, you goin’ down the hall later, pocket a few balls?

TC
We’ll see what the night brings, eh?

General
Hopefully one of those pretty little lovebirds over there – wish me luck, I’m going in

General goes off dancing

TC
You know Nelson, I think I might have spotted a small business opportunity
{gets out phone}
Yo, Charlie, any chance of scorin’ a hundred o’ those Dutch eccies…. how much…. you in now… right, I’ll be there in twenty minutes…
{hangs up phone}
Yo Nelson mate, I’m just off on a wee mission, look after mi stash will ya

TC gets bag out of underpants / Nelson holds bag as if to say – uuugh that’s been down your pants

TC
I got good vibes about you, son – I know a trustworthy geezer when I see one – there’s a few grams of charlie in there, & a bit of weed – after the rave ya can crash at mine – we’re all set for a bangin’ night – but, if ya fancy skinnin’ up, whatever you do, be discreet – the bouncers are proper tight round these parts, but it’s the punters you’ve gotta worry about the most, they’ll pounce on ya like a pack of volossur raptors – anyway, gotta fly – laters

Exit TC – Nelson looks in bag – finds a corner & begins to skin up – one by one the chorus (Lily, Sally, Ally & the General) notice him & flock around

***

FLIPSIDE OVER EASY

Lily, Krissie, Hamish, Katie, General
Skin-up ezy geezer, skin it up & pass it round
This way, thataway,
Anywhichway that you want it to go
Just pack it in & skin it up & pass it round

Bouncer
I’m a bouncer down the Mumbo Jumbo
Ya fuck’d up in the head my son,
If you light that up I’m gonna do you over
For messin’ around in my joint!

Nelson
Hey chill, man chill, lets split this pill,
There’s plenty of time fer that
When you’re a free man!
I’m gonna skin up here if I have to,
I’m gonna skin up whenever I want to,
I’m gonna skin up right in yer face man,
I’m gonna skin up in yer home-boys place &
I’m gonna pass it on to all my friends,
Who are Flipside Over Easy x3

Flipside Over Easy, inside-out & round & round,
This way, that-a-way,
Any which way that I’m wantin’ to go,
I’m back-to-front, I’m comin’ up,

Bouncer
Ya goin’ down…

Lily, Krissie, Hamish, Katie, General
Skin-up ezy geezer, skin it up & pass it round
This way, thataway,
Anywhichway that you want it to go
Just pack it in & skin it up & pass it round

Girls
Herbaweed ana weedaganj ana
Ganja-a-weed ana weedamarijuana
Herbaweed ana weedaganj ana
Ganja-a-weed ana weedamarijuana
Herbaweed ana weedaganj ana
Ganja-a-weed ana weedamarijuana

General
I remember when I carry
Ten bags of mari-mari
But I smoked it til it was dead
I didn’t have a reefer to ease my head
Yes you don’t know what I need
You don’t know what I need
I need some weed

Harmony 1
Skin-up ezy geezer, skin it up & pass it round
This way, thataway,
Anywhichway that you want it to go
Just pack it in & skin it up & pass it round

Harmony 2
Aaaaahhhhh….

Harmony 3
Herbaweed ana weedaganj ana
Ganja-a-weed ana weedamarijuana
Herbaweed ana weedaganj ana
Ganja-a-weed ana weedamarijuana

Nelson lights up spliff & Bouncer drags him off