Songs From NO NAY NEVER

SEVEN FIFTY

LOSE MY VIRGINITY

TRUE LEGENDS

WHEN THE HIBS GO MARCHING IN

HIGHER LICENSE

ALL SWAP PLACES

STARSIGNS

GRANDAD

TESTOSTERONE PATRIARCHY

VOWS

MIX IT UP

BROGDEN’S CHRISTMAS


SEVEN FIFTY

Barry
Catch the seven-fifty in the morning for my shift,
Don’t wanna be late
Its fucking Monday morning & this is the day
That I just hate

Pack’d to the hilt, break neck, full tilt
Smokin’ til the sun goes down
Back to mi quilt, head down, no guilt
Smokin’ til the sun goes down
Seven-Fifty…

Subscene: Barry working in a factory

Time is seven-fifty near the end of my shift
Need a spliff mate
I’ve roll’d up a reefer, I’m coming to see ya
It’ll be great

Packed to the hilt, break neck, full tilt
Smokin’ til the sun goes down
Back to mi quilt, head down, no guilt
Smokin’ til the sun goes down
Seven-Fifty…..

Subscene: Peanut’s house – Peanut & Mojo come in from work & start rolling a joint

Peanut
I’m a work all week so patient
Lookin out for my main man
Try to get out straighten’d
Cocktail combinations
Recall the sensation
Every situation
Buzzin the vibration
Downtime
Seven-Fifty…..

{Enter Barry}

Mojo
Give me seven-fifty & I’ll sell you a share
You’re my shipmate
I’ve skinn’d up a reefer
I’ve something to teach ya
It’ll be great

Mojo, Peanut, Barry
Packed to the hilt, break down, full tilt
Smokin’ til the sun goes down
Back to mi quilt, head down, no guilt
Smokin’ til the sun goes down
Seven-Fifty…..

Peanut
Grind it, refine it
Gonna lick them skins & light it
Roll it & mould it
Light it up, control it
Inhale it & hold it
Indica unfolding
& reach up,
I’m floating, I’m floating

Seven-Fifty… I’m floating, I’m floating, I’m…


LOSING MY VIRGINTY

Lily
Mi mum went to bingo, I do recall
I called my first ever boyfriend up on the phone
Said, why don’t you come over
Mi mum wont be back til ten
He said I’d love to & can I bring a friend
I said no problem, mi mam’s filled the fridge with grub
I bought some condoms from the machine down at the pub
I met them at the bus stop they were looking so fine
I thought ooo! proper fit,
& I hoped they would both be mine

All
Oo-na-nah, na-na-nah
Woah-oh-oh-ooh-oh-oh-oh

Lily
So we went to my bedroom & put on MTV
Had fags & cider that we blagged on a fake ID
All of a sudden they were rolling over me
Why do it with two when you can try it with three
We soon got naked, having it off on the floor
Said please be gentle cos ive never done this before
They say its never very good for your first time
But I’m glad that those bad little lads were mine

All
Oo-na-nah, na-na-nah
Woah-oh-oh-ooh-oh-oh-oh


TRUE LEGENDS

Peanut
Put your hands up, put your hands up high
Shimmering down like a dragonfly
Shining bright like a superstar
Cos you’re the true legend, yes you are

Mojo
Put your hands up, put your hands up high
Shimmering down like a dragonfly
(We’re the true legends, true, true, legends)

Barry
Ask no questions, tell no lies
We are the best ones to energize… your lives
Stand up for your rights
Before the politic bites
Stand up for your rights
Until the morning lights

Peanut
Put your hands up, put your hands up high
Shimmering down like a dragonfly
Shining bright like a superstar
Cos you’re the true legend, yes you are

Mojo
Put your hands up, put your hands up high
Shimmering down like a dragonfly
(we’re the true legends, true, true, legends)

Barry
Ask your consience if its OK
To let your Mojo come out & play
Stand up for your rights
Before the politic bites
Stand up for your rights
Until the day delights

Peanut, Mojo, Barry
Put your hands up, put your hands up high
Shimmering down like a dragonfly
Shining bright like a superstar
Cos you’re the true legend, yes you are
(we’re the true legends, true, true, legends)


I love you Hibernian cos you are my team
& I’ll follow you always oer mountain & scream
yes I’m one with the Hibees, with them I belong
This team is my reason I’m singing this song
Every season I shall hope for the best
With the badge worn so proudly
In the heart of my chest

You got booked for being ugly (Rock on)
Get fuckin up, its a man’s game (Rock on)
Turnbull’s Tornadoes, Hibernians the name

When I drink in the Albion on a wet night in March
When we play Calley Thistle I’m up with the larch
Cos I love my ain Hibees, with them I feel strong
This team is my reason I’m singing my song
Every season in sunshine & snow
Thro the turnstiles on Hawkhill
With the lads I go

You got booked for being ugly (Rock on)
Rudi Skatchell’s got a lovely, peachy bum (Rock on)
Turnbull’s Tornadoes, Hibernians the name


HIGHER LICENSE

Lily
She’s been to Edinburgh
She’s got her sisters with her
They’re coming back from town
Making mens’ eyes move around

Brenda
She’s got no cross to bear
She’s gorgeous as her hair
Shines like a neon light
Glittering from a satellite

India
She’s mucking up boys and taking their hearts yeah
Fuckin up toys and breaking apart their
Good time armour forged in the summer

Brenda, India & Lily
She’s got the higher license
She’s got the higher license
She’s got the higher license to kill

City
We’ve come up from the Shore
Where men say more & more
I’ve got the whitest teeth
They’ve ever seen in Leith

Mojo, Billy & Peanut
& as the girls swept past
We stood their flabberghasted
Each was a star to me
Emitting that cosmic energy

City
We’re mucking up boys and taking their hearts yeah
Fuckin up toys and breaking apart their
Good time armour forged in the summer

Mojo, Billy, Peanut, Brenda, India, Lily
She’s got the higher license
She’s got the higher license
She’s got the higher license to kill
She’s got the higher license to kill
She’s got the higher license to kill


ALL SWAP PLACES

Bom bom, jiggy bom bom
Bom jiggy bom,
Jiggy jiggy gang bang
Hari Krishna Krishna
Hari Rama
Hari Krishna’s jiggy with a farmer
& we all swap places…..

{Peanut returns from the toilet sniffing}

There’s a pussy playin’ fiddle
& the piggy in the middle’s getting
Jiggy with the gang bang
There’s a hooker on a cooker
She’s the hottest mother fucka
That I’ve seen in any gang bang
Hari Krishna Krishna
Hari Rama
Hari Krishna’s busy with the Dalai Lama
& we all swap places

& we all swap places
& we all swap places
& we all swap places

Aahh, & we all swap places
Aahh, & we all swap places
Aahh, & we all swap places
Aahh, & we all swap places
Aahh, & we all swap places
Aahh, & we all swap places
Aahh, & we all swap places
Ah-yai-yai-yai-yai-yai-ya

Jiggy-jiggy gang bang
Jiggy-jiggy gang bang
Jiggy-jiggy gang bang
We love you

Time to level up a partner
Menage a trois
The karma sutra
King bamboo

Jiggy-jiggy gang bang
Jiggy-jiggy gang bang
Jiggy-jiggy gang bang
We love you

Pick & mix it
Mister mistress
Bend the gender
Warp & skew

Bom bom
Theres a madame in the saddle
& she’s friggin in the riggin
As the balls are playin ping pong
& he’s no King Kong (small dong)
Still the Fonz singsalong to the sing song
Hari Krishna Krishna
Hari Rama

Hari Rama
Hari Krishna’s busy with Bananarama
& we all swap places…..

& we all swap places
& we all swap places
& we all swap places

Aahh, & we all swap places
Aahh, & we all swap places
Aahh, & we all swap places
Aahh, & we all swap places
Aahh, & we all swap places
Aahh, & we all swap places
Aahh, & we all swap places
Ah-yai-yai-yai-yai-yai-ya

Jiggy-jiggy gang bang
Jiggy-jiggy gang bang
Jiggy-jiggy gang bang
We love you

Convalute me
Contravention
I’m at attention
Stand to

Jiggy-jiggy gang bang
Jiggy-jiggy gang bang
Jiggy-jiggy gang bang
We love you

Light up the lava
Ask your partners
Dip in the darkness
French fondeau?

Jiggy-jiggy gang bang
Jiggy-jiggy gang bang
Jiggy-jiggy gang bang
We love you

I never had a mango
Never had a mango?
Never had a man go down on me


STARSIGNS

Barry
Mmm, mmm I’m gonna make you mine
Mmm, mmm I’m gonna guess your
Mmm, mmm I’m gonna make a make a make ya mine

Are you Aries, summer fairies
Til the head-butt necessaries
Maybe Leo, they’re the Cleopatras
Gettin jiggy on a beach in rio
Are ya Gemini, overqualified
Struttin round like a homeless butterfly
Ya eyes are like diamonds baby
Are ya Taurus straight to the chorus

Mmm, mmm I’m gonna make you mine

Are you Aquarius ever varius
Or a sexy Sagittarius
Maybe Virgo, a semi-circle
Never mess with a girl in a fur coat
Are ya Libra, like Alan Shearer
Ya black & white like the stripes on a zebra
Ya smile is like sunshine baby
Are ya Taurus straight to the chorus

Mmm, mmm I’m gonna make you mine
Mmm, mmm I’m gonna guess your
Mmm, mmm I’m gonna make a make a make ya mine

Mmm, mmm I’m gonna make you mine
& guess your sign & after the mantra
I’m gonna take my time & darlin’ tie ya down to the tantra
I’m an empath like my mother
I’m an astrological lover
Your vibe is like Tinsel Town
Get on down to the sound of the breakdown
Acapella pick a colour
When I guess it & I’m destined to pull her
Better mystic meg assisted
Proper bullshit but birds cant resist it
If she roots ya & she suits ya
You can cruise thro’ the views of the future
Then when the starshine glows
Get on down its time for the solos

Are ya cancer, what a chancer
Breakin’ legs like a pimp-ass dancer
Maybe Pisces, a dionysis
Living lives of crazy crises
Or maybe you’re a Capricorn
Like a slinky ninja on the microphone
Your voice is like Venus baby
Are you Taurus straight to the chorus

Mmm, mmm I’m gonna make you mine
Mmm, mmm I’m gonna guess your
Mmm, mmm I’m gonna make a make a make ya mine


GRANDAD

Barry
At nine o clock in the morning
I heard grandad bashing the door in
Now he’s crashin’ on the kitchen flooring
Cos he never made it to his bed

I knew something was wrong with mi grandad
Cos he’s pukin’ up in Granny’s handbags
& starts stacking em up like sandbags
& then ranting ’bout the bloody war

Grandad’s been on the sauce again
He’s just drunk he aint insane
Grandad we love you
Even tho’ you smell like a brewery
Grandad we love you
Even when ya stink of wee

Grandads having a come down
He’s even bringing mi mum down
He’s been staying up well past sundown
& Grannies climbin’ up the wall!

Now Grandad acts like a tinker
Cos he’s always been a heavy drinker
& Gran says get off ya stinker
When he tries to get her into bed

Grandad’s been on the sauce again
He’s just drunk he aint insane
Grandad we love you
Even tho’ you smell like a brewery
Grandad we love you
Even when ya stink of wee

Grandad
I’m the paralytic diuretic man
I’ll never make it to the old bed pan
Better put those rubber sheets down gran
Cos I’m gonna wet the bed again

Barry
Now Grandad’s after a nightcap
Cos Grandma gave him a right slap
So he’s sneaking out thro the cat flap
& he’s going to the pub
He’s going to the pub
He’s going to the pub again


TESTOSTERONE PATRIARCHY

I am a hot thing
But I have to disguise
All the ways that the razors
Cut deep in my veins
& I wipe lipstick
With a tissue of lies
‘Cos I’m hook’d on destructions
That sicken & stain

It’s the way of the West
When you’re making the best
Of this Testosterone Patriarchy

I’m a good girl, look at me twirl,
This is my world, I am divine
But if you’ll see, deep inside me
Then’ you’ll agree I am not fine

I’ve never felt love
For the shine of the skies
Cos I’m parked in the darkness
By the full beam of fame
& I’ve lost control
Of the look in my eyes
As I gaze on the razors
That beckon my name

It’s the way of the West
When you’re making the best
Of this Testosterone Patriarchy

I’m a good girl, look at me twirl,
This is my world, I am divine
But if you’ll see, deep inside me
Then’ you’ll agree I’m not doing fine


VOWS

I believe in love
But I don’t believe in miracles
Show me that you care
& I’ll sing you a fairy tale

I believe in love,
God help us,
Cos love is gonna see us thro
I believe in love cos love believes in you
I believe in you

Come to me my darling
Come to me my love
Come this mellow morning
When a lover’s sun is gonna make us all
Jump up over the wall
Gotta break into the Garden of Eden
Hope, hope springs eternal
Gotta break down the walls

I believe in love
But I don’t believe in fairytales
Show me that you care
& I’ll sing you a miracle

I believe in love,
God help them,
Cos love is gonna see us thro
I believe in love cos love belives in you
I believe in you

Come to me my darling
& Eos be my love
Cupid’s coming calling
When a lover’s sun is gonna make us all
Jump over the wall
Gotta break into the garden of eden
Hope, hope springs eternal
Gotta break down the walls
& then we can open
Open, open the door
Be Clyde & Bonnie with a magnum forty-four
Love love is the law here,
Gotta break down the walls
Jump up over the wall
Gotta break down the towers of Babylon
Hope, hope springs eternal
Gotta break down those walls
I gotta break thro those walls


MIX IT UP

City
We’re gonna mix it up
Mix it up, mix it up yeah
We’re gonna mix it up
Mix it up, mix it up,
We’re gonna mix it up

Barry
We’re gonna mix it up
Mix it up, mix it up yeah
We’re gonna mix it up
Mix it up, mix it up,
We’re gonna mix it up sweet baby

City
We’re gonna mix it up like crazy

City
We’re gonna mix it up
Mixin’ like we love each other
We’re gonna mix it up
When we gonna get together

Baz
I know that I’ve kinda fallen for you
Don’t wanna waste it, I just gotta taste it

City
I love the way you’ve got nuffin to prove
You’re kinda tasty, your mind amazes me

City
We’re gonna mix it up
Mix it up, mix it up yeah
We’re gonna mix it up
Mix it up, mix it up,
We’re gonna mix it up

Barry
We’re gonna mix it up
Mix it up, mix it up yeah
We’re gonna mix it up
Mix it up, mix it up,
We’re gonna mix it up sweet baby

City
We’re gonna mix it up like crazy

We’re gonna mix it up
Mixin’ like we love each other
We’re gonna mix it up
When we gonna get together

Baz
I know that I’ve kinda fallen for you
Don’t wanna waste it, I just gotta taste it

City
I love the way you’ve got nuffin to prove
You’re kinda tasty, your mind amazes me

Barry
I’ve gobbled up my pride
I’m feelin it inside
You are the one to break my habits

City
I cant believe its true
I cant believe its you
You are the one to make me happy

City & Barry
We’re gonna mix it up
Mixin’ like we love each other
We’re gonna mix it up
When we gonna get together


BROGDEN’S CHRISTMAS

Barry
Grandad’s pinched a turkey
Half-inched it for the family
Lets hope he doesn’t roast it
At 200 degrees

Jackie
Last year yer Granny burnt it
Lets hope this time she’s learnt from it
Dont touch those bloody marys Mam
We’re begging you please

All
Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas

The Don
Hang the calendars on the wall

All
Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas
A Merry Christmas to one & all

City
Baz nips out fer reefer
My Daddy’s playing Fifa
& Grandad says

Grandad
The queen is look perky this year

Grandad
As Jackie checks on turkey
Gran gets out karaokoe
She’s singing Tina Turner
As we block up each ear

Gran
You’re simply the best!
Better than all the rest,

Grandad
Turn that bloody machine off

Jackie unplugs the karaoke machine

Grandad
Thank god fer that

All
Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas

Gran
Tinsels glistening

Jackie
On the tree

All
Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas
A Merry Christmas to the Family

Barry
Merry, merry, merry Christmas
You’re looking so delicious
I want to give you kisses
As you give your love to me

Grandad
Merry, merry, merry Christmas
I’m gonna do all the dishes
There’s a honeymoon to Mauritius
Underneath the tinsel tree

All
Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas

City
Blink, ya miss it

Don
& then its gone

All
Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas
A Merry Christmas to everyone

key change

All
Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas

Gran
Tinsels glistening

Jackie
On the tree

All
Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas
A Merry Christmas to the Family

Grandad
Merry Christmas everybody

City, Granny, Jackie, Barry
Merry Christmas Grandad

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