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SCENE 1: A country lane near Navarrenx / The Shoe-Shiner is shining shoes / Enter Didier clutching roses

HIDING IN THE WORLD
Didier – scattering roses about

She’s been listening to all my songs
& she says to me my love lets sing another one
Let it be free as the wind as it blows
Over Gascony to the rising of the morning sun

I’ve been singing her all sorts of songs
& I’ve helped them along with a tender drop of romance
Let us be pure as the snow as it falls
On the houses below the shimmmering chateauxs of France

I jump’d down off a mountain
To find myself a girl
So my love would find me, find me
Hiding in the world

& when she comes with the sun
She turns the darkness into starshine
Yes she’s mine she’s just the finest ever girl

I’ve been hoping to open a shop
At the drop of a hat
Buy a flat & make a million
Let her be lucky in all that she does
As I’m wrapped in a rug
Reading stanzas of a sweet Chanson

We’ve been drinking our wine for some time
& I find that the flow is holier than Carcassone
Let it be fine as the rose as it grows
In the glorious moment when
Lovers’ lips’ll melt as one

I Jump’d down off mountains
To find myself girl
And my love did find me, find me
Hiding in the world

& when she comes with the sun
she turns the darkness into starshine
Yes shes mine shes just my finest ever girl

& when she’s shining divine
She turns the bad times into shadows
Yes I’m yours with all the roses in the world

Didier
Ooo – I’m in love, I’m in love, love, love, love, love – how my heart does pound & quiver whenever I think of thee, my sweet, sweet Annie-May

Shoe-Shiner
Dood morning sir, I take it you’re in love

Didier
Indeed I am – why, tomorrow I shall be marrying the most wonderful woman in the whole of the Bearne

Shoe-Shiner
Lucky you sir – will you be toasting the wedding tonight with your, friends as is traditional around these parts of France, as I have heard sir

Didier
Of course I shall – Indeed, I am meeting a couple of my very good friends in this very spot, after which we shall be frequenting the taverns of Navarrenx, where we shall be imbibing a great number of extremely strong beverages

Shoe-Shiner
Excuse me sir, if you don’t mind me saying, but is it nor correct that such an occasion warrants the shiniest shoes a man could wear

Didier
Ehm – they seem fine to me

Shoe-Shiner
Sir, I am the best shiner in the area sir – when I am done with your shoes you will be able to see the whites of your teeth in their reflection – & of course you will be helping to feed me & my wife’s seventeen children ––

Didier
Seventeen children

Shoe-Shiner
Only two of them are actually mine sir – but what I’m really trying to say is this

SHOE SHINE BLUES

I got no money
So man can I shine your shoes
I got no money
So man can I shine your shoes
C’mon, give me break cos Im aching to the shoe shine blues

All I’m asking, is brother help me make some sous
All I’m asking, is brother help me make a sous
& I promise when Im finished all the girls are gonna love your shoes

Give me a chance
Sit yourself down
Let me get busy when you’re up in town
You’ll feel happy
Get any woman that you choose
Because a man looks so handsome
when he’s dancing in his new shine shoes

If you had a dernier,
then maybe you could buy the news
If you had an ecu d’argent,
you could buy yourself a bottle of booze
But if you give me a sou then
I’ll shine away your shoe-shine blues
Because a man looks so handsome
when he’s dancing in his new shine shoes

Didier
Very well, shine away

Shoe-Shiner
You will not regret it, I promise… so, monsieur, what is your trade

Didier
I am in the woodcutting business

Shoe-Shiner
Very nice

Didier
You see that house across yonder fields

Shoe-Shiner
Yes

Didier
The timber is my work in its entirety – I did the whole lot in a single afternoon

Shoe-Shiner
Very good work sir

Didier
& it is all because I have the biggest chopper in Navarrenx

Enter Albert & Andre

Andre
Bonsoir Didier!

Didier
Andre! Albert!

Albert
How are you doing my old friend

Didier
I am so glad you could make it over from Pau

Albert
Mon amis ! I would not miss it for all the cheese in Aquitaine

Andre
So, tell us, Didier, how is our groom feeling this night… excited ?

Didier
Nervous

Andre
Everything is going to be just fine. What can go wrong?

Shoe-Shiner
There you go, monsieur, like a mirror

Didier
Not bad at all – here is an ecu

Shoe-Shiner
Thank you, monsieur, most generous & perhaps your friends would also…

Albert
No, no, no – we don’t have time for that – we must proceed immediately to a local drinking establishment in order to get absolutely hammer’d

Didier & Andre
Huzzah!

Enter Gypsy

Andre
I say what a damnable creature

Albert
Begone vile crone, thine outrageous ugliness offends us

Gypsy
I am looking for a man who’ll be married come the morrow

Didier
Why, tis I who shall be married on the morrow – in the morning to be exact

Andre
Just who in damnation’s eyeballs are you, vile hag-woman

Gypsy
I be a gypsy I be & we knows abouts life’s going-ons & such like

Albert
Well, what do you want with our friend, you fiendish creature

Gypsy
I have come to sell him a flower – a very lucky flower it is

Andre
Aha! she is nothing but a common peddler, we will be having nothing to do with you & your pathetic business – leave our presence immediately

Didier
No-no-no – let us hear her out – what kind of flower is it

Gypsy
It is a lemon blossom sir – it symbolises fidelity in love

Didier
I suppose it cannot hurt – indeed, my grandmother used to tell me always trust a gypsy – very well – I shall buy one – how much

Gypsy
A dernier

Albert
A dernier! For one measly bloom – she is a veritable Saracen bandit – tell her to fly to the devil where she belongs

Didier
No – no – I cannot afford to risk it – it is only a dernier… here you go

Gypsy
Thanking you kindly – but don’t forget to put it in your jacket’s upper pocket upon the night before your wedding – for luck

Didier
Very well

Andre
Didier – falling for such superstitious hokery pokery

Didier
It is only a bit of fun, Andre – & I am getting married after all

Albert
Huzzah

Andre & Didier
Huzah!

Didier
To the taverns of Navarrenx

Andre & Albert
To the tavern

Exit Didier, Albert & Andre

Andre
By the time we are finished with you, my man, they will have to push you up the aisle in a wheel-barrow

Shoe-Shiner
Hey gypsy

Gypsy
Yes, can I help you

Shoe-Shiner
Do you have any more of those flowers – I could sure do with a bit of luck right now – I ain’t got a dernier though – how about I buy a couple of petals for a couple of sou

Gypsy
I’m afraid not young man, – that be a special flower that be – one of a kind – but here, you keep the dernier

Shoe-Shiner
Wow, thanks lady

Exit Gypsy

Shoe Shiner
Because a man looks so handsome when he’s dancing in his newly shin’d shoes

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SCENE 2: The Trezuguet Family Household – Annie-May is receiving a manicure from her sister Amelie & her friend Olive

Amelie
You must be purely quivering with excitement dear sister

Annie-May
I am – just one more sleep until my wedding day night – where I hope I won’t be sleeping, if you get my meaning

Olive
I am sure you won’t Annie – have some more wine – it will calm you down – Oo! Your nails are looking lovely

Amelie
You’re going to look so beautiful tomorrow

Annie-May
I know, I know

Enter Louis

Louis
Pardon my intrusion girls

Amelie
Papa

Annie-May
Hello father – I thought you were sleeping

Louis
I will be soon, but first I found something for my eldest daughter, for her wedding day

Annie-May
Ooo! what is it

Louis
Open it & see

Annie May
My word – what a beautiful brooch

Louis
Your mother, god bless her soul, wore it on her wedding day – like her mother & grandmother before – I am sure she would have wanted you to wear it today

Annie-May
I’ll put it on – it will be my very own talisman of happiness

Amelie
It’s beautiful

Annie-May
Thank you papa – O, how I do wish mother were alive to share my happy day

Louis
So do I my love

Amelie
She will be there in spirit I am sure

Louis
Ah, my girls, the Lord God will ever weave his ways most mysterious – it was only he who could have told your mother to walk right into the path of my axe when I was swinging it at that oak tree – a nasty, ghastly accident

Annie-May, Amelie & Olive
Nasty… ghastly

Louis
However, until that fatal day she would often tell me that being a woodcutter’s wife was the most amazing station on God’s wide earth – & I’m so glad you’ve found a woodcutter of you own – he’s a good lad that Didier – he shows much promise & his choppers even bigger than mine! Anyway, girls, I must be off to my bed, I will need a good night’s sleep if I am to keep pace with you young things during the wedding festivities

Amelie & Annie-May
Good night father

Olive
I’m sure you can still pull a move or two on the dance floor, monseigneur Trezuguet

Louis
Are you asking me to dance Olive

Olive
It would be an honour & a pleasure

Louis
I would be more than delighted – until tomorrow then, good night girls

Exit Louis

Olive
Your father’s a lovely man

Amelie
Olive, you are married

Annie-May
& you are far too young for our Papa even if you were not

Olive
But, girls, he is still the best feller in the woods – tree-feller that is

They laugh

Annie-May
I expect that very soon my Didier will have knock’d Papa from the top chopper spot

Olive
I am sure your father won’t mind at all – he’s always approved of the way Didier handles his massive axe – it is something to behold

Annie-May
You are such a dear friend, Olive, only you have handled my own engagement to Didier with so much maturity & nobility

Olive
It is no matter

Annie-May
I mean, it really does seem now that you were merely an agent of destiny meant to bring Didier to his fated love

Olive
Well, I wish fate would make his mind up – that was the fourth time you’ve taken one of our suitors

Amelie
Olive! Not tonight – remember, if my sister had not fallen in love with Didier, then you would never have got to marry your Andre

Olive
I suppose

Annie-May
I have finally made up my marital mind – but, Olive

Olive
Yes

Annie-May
Yours was a very quick marriage to Andre, I thought

Olive
Well, I was pregnant

Annie-May
But then you lost the baby – how dreadful for you both

Amelie
Annie!

Annie-May
But, are we not all friends together – we should be able to speak our minds frankly & without worry, is that not true Olive

Olive
It is

Annie -May
So, how is Andre doing… you are taking care of him I hope, he is such a lovely man

Olive
I think I am… he seems happy & well

Annie-May
We shared some good moments, Andre & I – but his chopper was just far too tiny – I mean, have you seen Didier’s – its huge

Amelie
It does have most magnificent & incredible shaft I have ever seen – such an impressive & veritably gargantuan girth

Olive
Andre’s is not so bad – & anyway, it is not the size of the chopper that matters, it is more the motion of the axe-stroke

Amelie
Very true, Olive, very true

Annie-May
I am ever so nervous though, girls – lying carnally for the first time with a new man is like becoming a virgin once again – we have never really spoken about it, Olive, but what am I to expect from my husband-to-be on our wedding night – did you ever…

Amelie
Once or twice

Annie-May
Well…

Amelie
Let us say he handles his woman like he chops down trees – his strokes are slow, steady & strong

Annie-May
Sounds very pleasant – but is it true what they say – that a girl can be killed by the sheer ecstasy of marital love, to suffer something so sweetly beautiful, one collapses into a man’s arms as if one was dead – is such a thing to happen to me tomorrow night

Amelie
You don’t have to be married to feel like that, the same effect might be appropriated through a ripe courgette

Olive
You should wait & see what happens on own your wedding night, Annie-May… but whatever you do, do not forget to place several rose petals in your secret whispering eye tomorrow morning before you go to church – to maintain a fresh fragrance down there throughout the festivities

Annie-May
Thank you for the tip, babe – I cannot wait to be married to Didier – there’s just something about him that makes me go mmmmm…

OPEN UP MY HEART

Open up my heart
I’m in love again
There’s a light inside of my mind
I’ve been hurt before
Sadness struck my soul
But now I’ve left those troubles behind

O tell us why you love this guy so much
It’s his kiss his smile his kindness & his touch

It’s been a long time (how long)
Since I’ve felt at ease
Now I feel feelings (how strong)
Ony his passion can appease

I was a phantom (so pale)
In the vale of lonely sighs
Now I see woman (all hail)
In the reflections of his eyes

O tell us why you love this guy so much
It’s his kiss his smile his kindness & his touch

Love is here to stay
Living every day
Knowing I’m a fluffy cuddle & a kiss away
From the realms of bliss
What a world is this
When a tender kiss
Will seal all this upon my wedding day

I’ll never love another man so much
It’s his kiss his smile his kindness & his touch

Destiny shall sing
When I say I do
& so it’s time to send
An invitation out to you
Come & celebrate (we’ll be there)
In a merry throng
Breathe the scented air
Of merriment & wine & song

O tell us why you love this guy so much
It’s his kiss his smile his kindness & his touch

I’ll never love another man so much
It’s his kiss his smile his kindness & his touch