DRAMATIS PERSONAE
THE BROWNS
Belinda
Bella
James
Madelynn Bonnet : a witch
Mikaela: her assistant
Tony: stylist
Shania
Natisha… models
The Mirror
Merlin the Black Cat
BROWNIES
Bimbletongue
Griffinbeak
Danglenose
Puddlefoot
Dapplebeard
Fluffylips
Annie
Lucy… Yester school-girls
Janis: scientist
Fred: assistant
Fairy Queen
Puck
Centaur
Harry the Hamadryad
Puss-in-Boots
Aimee
Lucy… schoolgirls
Gremlin
Hobgoblin… goblins
Crogall… a Cave Troll
Hotel manager
Gary: assistant
Journalists
SCENES
1: Crab Apple Cottage
2: Bella’s Bedroom
3: Backstage
4: Bella’s Bedroom
5: Catwalk – The Cat’s Parade
6: Forest – Buzzie Brownie Birthday / Isn’t It So
7: Milton Keynes
8: Fairyland – Fairy Wonderland
9: Bella’s Bedroom
10: School Playground
11: Madelynn’s secret room – Never Gonna Wake Up
12: Madelynn’s house
13: Madelynn’s secret room
14: Madelynn’s house
15: Outside Stoneypath Tower
16: Fairyland – When the Fairies Go to War
17: Stoneypath Tower
18: Nunraw Falls – The Waking of the Cave Troll
19: Outside Stoneypath Tower
20: Top of Stoneypath Tower
21: Bottom of Stoneypath Tower
22: Inside Stoneypath Tower
23: Top of Stoneypath Tower
24: Outside Stoneypath Tower
25: Crab Apple Cottage – Our Loving Pie / Family Time
26: Milton Keynes
27: Crab Apple Cottage
28: Press conference – This is a Brownie
29: Crab Apple Cottage
Scene 1: DINNER
Crab Apple Cottage on Fiddlestick Lane, Gifford -James is setting the table. Enter Bella who comes in & slumps in the chair
James
Bella! How was school?
Bella
Rubbish
James
Oh don’t be like that, school is is a very important part of any child’s up-bringing
Bella
Its rubbish
James
Did something happen today
Bella
No
James
Look, here’s your tea;
Bella
What is it
James
Its pizza, potato wedges & beans, you have that & tell me what happened at school today
{sitting down at the table}
So what happen’d
Bella
They were teasing me about mum
James
Who were
Bella
Or just some kids from Year Five
James
What did they say
Bella
That she’d ran off a millionaire to France
James
That’s not true – well I don’t think it is – nobody what happen’d to you mother, I’m afraid, it’s a complete mystery
Bella
If she loved us she wouldn’t have left
James
Your mother loved both of us, very much, she would never…
Bella
Can I have this in my room
James
What
Bella
My room, can I eat this upstairs, I don’t really want to talk about it, I just want to be on my own
James
Oh – OK, make sure you bring the plate down
Bella starts to take the plate upstairs
James
Bella… I love you, I always will
Bella sighs & goes upstairs / James looks distraught
Scene 2
Bella’s Bedroom – Bella is in bed – Enter James
James
You OK Bella
Bella
Yeah
James
You’ve hardly touch’d your dinner
Bella
I wasn’t hungry
James
Do you want some supper or something
Bella
I’ve got some crisps, I’ll be fine – but there is one thing I want
James
What is it
Bella
I want to see my mum – where is she
James
I don’t know babes – I miss her so much
Bella
Do you think, she’ll, she’ll ever come home
James
I hope so, I’m sure she will, I don’t have this feeling she’s gone forever, at all, I do sense her sometimes, I think we have to just get on with our lives &, well, just wait
Bella
Wait – for how long
James
I don’t know, darling, I really don’t
Bella
OK – I love you daddy
James
I love you too darling – goodnight
Bella
Goodnight
Exit James with plate of food
Bella
{as James is closing the door}
Daddy will you shut my…
{Bella gets out of bed & goes to close the window}
A shooting star! What did my mummy say – you should always make a wish when you see a shooting star — so, I wish, that I could see you mummy, I miss you so much
Bella goes back to bed & falls asleep with tears in her eyes & a few sniffles
Scene 3
Backstage at a fashion show in Edinburgh. The models, Tony, Natisha & Shania are getting ready for the catwalk – there is a bottle of some kind of milkshake & drain’d glasses scatter’d about
Natisha
I mean there’s only so much you can do with an avocado right
Shania
I know – it’s totally insane, but Jason seems to be organising the whole thing, so I’m not worried
Tony
Will somebody filming the event
Naomi
Yeah, STV I think
Enter Madelynn with Mikaela
Madelynn
Hello gang – you’re all looking fabulous – those roll’d up braids look fantastic, Shania – now come on, come on, finishing touches please – Natisha, that eyeliner is skew whiff on her
Natisha
What do you mean
Madelynn
Come here – give me that, let me show you
{begins to adjust Shania’s eye-liner}
If I can see it, so will Mathis de Bourneville, he’s in tonight from Paris, people – remember, this is meant to be a fantasy, not a travesty
Tony, Shania, Natisha
Sorry Madelynn
Madelynn
Has everybody had their special shake
Tony
We’ve all had it, yeah
Madelynn
Good – there’s so much fruity nourishment in pack’d in there, it’ll keep you looking so, so hot – so, remember, tonight is not about being too romantic, this is an asymmetrical collection – I want a grungey touch along with the glitter –
Natisha
It’s a great look, its very cool
Tony
I think your make-up is really beautiful – I love the highlights around the eyes – it really brings them out – it’s very bare, but it has a bit of twinkle, it’s very interesting
Madelynn
Tony no, the green ones
Tony
But I thought you said you liked the yellow
Madelynn
I’ve chang’d my mind – you look like someone just puked up on your trousers – change them
(to Shania}
& babes, what did I say last week – you need to work more on your palates & butt-crunches, have you
Shania
A little bit
Madelynn
Well, clearly not enough – did I tell you Mathis de Bourneville was in town… Mikaela
Mikaela
Yes, Madelynn
Madelynn
Take a photo for my insta – gather round peeps
{Mikaela takes a photograph}
OK guys, I’m off to my seat – its one minute til lift off… Shania, you’re up first – remember – left foot, right foot, left foot, pause, twirl
Shania
Right foot, left foot, pause twirl – I got it
Madelynn
Good – right gang, lets show them what we got, & what we got is style
They cheer
Scene 4
Bella’s bedroom – she is sleeping – Bimbletongue the Brownie enters the room
Bimbletongue
Psst – wakey wakey – Bella, wake up
{Bella awakes with a start}
No, no, no, no, scared don’t be
I’m Bimbletongue the Brownie
Bella
You’re who, I mean what!
Bimbletongue
I am Bimbletongue the Brownie
& upon a star you wish’d
Bella
I did? oh, I did, yes, the meteor
Bimbletongue
Wish you did, & so I’m here to help you
Bella
Help, what do you mean
Bimbletongue
The Land of Fairies of I am
& Humans cannot see us
Unless, of course, we want them to
But if one wishes on a star
Upon the eve of Beltaine
They gain the sight to see us
So here I am
Bella
What do you want – I’m scar’d
Bimbletongue
Scar’d don’t be, I am your friend
This is my house as well, you see,
I clean it when you’re sleeping fast
& help myself to milk & honey
For how else would you thank me
Bella
YOU’RE the reason there’s not enough milk for my cereals sometimes
Bimbletongue
About such things sorry I am, but then again so good it tastes
Bella
Is it you who makes the noises in the night
Bimbletongue
Sometimes, yes
Bella
Hah – I knew it wasn’t the wind – so, what do you want
Bimbletongue
Well, to help I’m here, your wish I heard, your mother for to find
Bella
Mummy
Bimbletongue
Yes, one of my kinfolk thinks exactly knows he where she is
Bella
He does – he knows where my mummy is
Bimbletongue
Yes, come with me you must, & let the Brownies help you
Bella
Brownies – I’m a Brownie
I’m a Brownie too, you know
Bimbletongue
You’re what
Bella
I’m a Brownie
Bimbletongue
Look like one you don’t
Bella
Well, only on Mondays, when I go to Brownies after school
Bimbletongue
On Mondays a Brownie you are
Bella
Yes
Bimbletongue
No – no – a Brownie, not you are – I am a Brownie, & a good look at me now take, am I not a wonderful fellow
Bella
Ehm
Bimbletongue
I am a Brownie, not you, we were once very famous on this island – in times of old, in every home one of us did live – but now, there are so many humans, we only live with the nicest people
Bella
Does that mean me & my daddy are nice
Bimbletongue
Yes – & your mother, lovely she was, – I miss her too
Bella
You miss my mummy
Bimbletongue
That is why I am here, & to the party you shall come
Bella
Party
Bimbletongue
Yes, tonight there is a birthday, my cousin Griffinbeak turns umptythree, & my other cousin, Puddlefoot there shall be, where your mother is she knows
Bella
What – you want me to come
Bimbletongue
Come, yes, to the party come
Bella
But, my daddy said never go off with strangers, & you’re the strangest stranger I ever did see
Bimbletongue
A stranger I am not, my name is Bimbletongue, now we are friends
Bella
But we’re not friends
Bimbletongue
Listen not to your head, Bella, but to your heart – what to you does it say
Bella
It says to… trust you, & go find my mummy
Bimbletongue
Well, then Bella, go we shall – wwll what are these, in this box O here’s your shoes, here’s your socks, – here’s your coat, its green & blue, Oh Bella, how that coats suits you
Bella
Ok – Ok – OK – I’ll put them on
Bimbletongue
Good, good, good – quietly going we shall, wake up your father want we not – shhhhh !
Bella
{whispering}
Alright
Bella
I’m ready
Bimbletongue
Follow me
Bella & Bimbletongue creep out of the bedroom
Scene 5
A fashion show in Edinburgh
THE CATS PARADE
What’s the story about the Cat’s Parade
It’s a cruel, cruel business but it’s just a game
Just a game, just a game say the players
So, we all go down to the fashion show
Walk the walk like a gigolo
They paint their toes, donning rentaclothes in their layers
Time after time
You look so sweet girl
& I’m hypnotised
By your dancing feet girl
By your dancing feet
I’ll tell you a story about a girl named Mona
She spends all her money on silicone
& she gets her fix from her weetabix & her snickers
She mov’d to London when she was sixteen
She’ got an IQ of 160
& now she flits where the lifestyle fits city slickers
Time after time
You look so sweet girl
& I’m hypnotised
By your dancing feet girl
By your dancing feet
What’s the story about the cat’s parade
It’s a cruel, cruel business but it’s just a game
Just a game, just a game, just a game
You and I butterflies
Blame it on the Cat’s Parade
Me & you cockatoos
Blame it on the Cat’s Parade
You & me, celery
I’ll sing you a story ’bout the House of Bonnet
You’ve got to look hot, fashionista senate
& if you’re not you’re a social spot on the party
There’s a midnight shoot for the Madonna
Just give it a week & she’ll be a gonner
& we love the way that she’ll sit & say I’m so arty
Time after time
You look so sweet girl
& I’m hypnotised
By your dancing feet girl
By your dancing feet
Scene 6
A group of Brownies – Griffinbeak, Danglenose, Puddlefoot, Dapplebeard & Fluffylips – are in a clearing in the woods – there is a birthday party happening with lots of cake
BUZZY BROWNIE BIRTHDAY
Ho ro ro ro
Buzzy buzzy buzzy…
Buzzy brownie birthday
Lots of fun & mirth day
Take a seat with Griffinbeak
He loves his friends
Ho ro ro ro
Rikky tikky tolly vo
Come & take a break dear
Come & try some cake here
Have a slice its very nice
But where’s the cream
Ho ro ro ro
Rikky tikky tolly vo
Buzzy buzzy buzzy…
Buzzy brownie birthday
It falls upon a Thursday
Danglenose & Puddlefoot
You’re my best friends
From the bonny bells of heather
We drank a toast together
Twas sweeter far than honey
Twas stronger far than wine
Buzzy buzzy buzzy…
Buzzy brownie birthday
Dapplebeard
Does everybody have a drink & a slice
Puddlefoot
Yes
Fluffylips
I do
Danglenose
I don’t have a drink
Dapplebeard
Oh! I am so sorry Danglenose, here’s yours
Danglenose
Hmm, thank-you very much
Puddlefoot
Well, happy birthday Griffinbeak, umpty-three today – Hip-hip
{Hooray}
Hip-hip
{Hooray}
Hip-hip
{Hooray}
Now — scoff
Everyone downs their drink scoffs their cake down
Fluffylips
That cake was very delicious indeed
Dapplebeard
It certainly was, Fluffylips, my love
Griffinbeak
Yes, a very good cake indeed
Enter Bimbletongue & Bella
Bimbletongue
Hello my friends, late I am, & sorry with that too – with me a guest I bring
{all the Brownies hide / Bimbletongue finds a slice of cake & scoffs it down}
Birthday Happy, Griffinbeak – worry not, it is alright, with me she is
Griffinbeak
{Stepping nervously out of hiding}
What is she doing here, Bimbletongue, she’s one of the big people
Bella
I’m not that big
Griffinbeak
You will be one day
The rest of the Brownies, except Puddlefoot, step out of hiding
Bimbletongue
She wished upon a shooting star there is nothing I could do about it
Dapplebeard
Oh, this is very bad, it’s very bad indeed
Bimbletongue
Happening it is, nothing we can do about it, & help this girl little needs
Danglenose
What kind of help
Bimbletongue
Where is Puddlefoot
Puddlefoot
{Stepping out of hiding}
Here I am, cousin
Bimbletongue
Talk to you we want to do, about the house by the river – live there you did
Puddlefoot
Yes, what about it
Bimbletongue
The woman sleeping there, her mother is, yes
Puddlefoot
It is, yes
Bella
You know where my mother is – & she is still alive
Puddlefoot
Well, she was when I left the house – but I didn’t like it, not at all, not at all, the mistress of the house was a witch
Bella
A witch
Puddlefoot
Yes
Puddlefoot
But I’m now at a nice house who leave chocolates out for me – they don’t know it, but I always like to finish off a box – except for the nutty ones of course
Bella
So, where is the house
Dapplebeard
Little girl, you are now a friend of the Brownies, & we will do everything we can to help you, but this is a matter for the Fairy Queen herself
Bella
The Fairy Queen
Dapplebeard
Yes, you will have to go a see her, she will know how to counter the witch’s evil magic
Bella
Thank-you so much
Puddlefoot
Well, let’s go
Bella
What now
Bimbletongue
Yes, before dawn, before your father wakes up
Bella
OK – but is it alright to have a wee bit of this lovely looking cake, I’m peckish
Fluffylips
NOOO
Bella
What, sorry
Fluffylips
YOU cannot eat one of our cakes – you will be stuck in Fairyland forever, & that’s not allow’d
Bella
Oh, I’m sorry
Dapplebeard
So, it is settl’d, Puddlefoot & Bimbletongue, you will escort, your name young lady
Bella
Bella
Dapplebeard
You will escort Bella to the Fairy Queen at once
Bella starts crying
Griffinbeak
Ah what’s the matter, little big girl
Bella
I miss my mummy
Dapplebeard
Listen, we will all do our best to find her for you, won’t we Brownies
{the Brownies agree}
Now go, follow Bimbletongue & Puddlefoot, you will be safe with them
Bellla
Thank-you, so much, bye-bye
Bimbletongue
Come this way, go this way we shall
Exit Bimbletongue, Puddlefoot & Bella
TRA-LA-LA
Isn’t it so …
Sad to see
A child
Without its mother
So long has she been away
Don’t cry sweet Bella
Were going to find a way
Tra-la-la-la, la-la-la, la-la-la
Isn’t it so…
Sad to know
A child misses its mother
So long has she been away (hey=hey)
We’re going to help you Bella
Yes, the Brownies will find a way
We are the Brownies
Helpings our thing
& because we’re Brownies
We love to sing
Tra-la-la-la, la-la-la, la-la-la
{Drop to the f on the child without its mother then back to g}
The Conchordia Folio 