SCENE 1: Leith

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TC is having a one-man rave

*****

FOOL

Charlie’s House, Albert Street

TC
Well I went on down to my dealer’s house
To score a little exstasi, he said,

Charlie
I’m cuttin mi own throat,
They’re cheap at twice the price y’see

TC
I said, yer try all yer like
But yer’ll never make a fool outta me.

The Moustrap, Leith Walk

TC
Then I strutted into the Mousetrap
Met a Rasta dress’d like Bob Marley, he said

Rasta
Y’all want some skunk weed

TC
But it smelt like it were pot pouri
I said yer try all yer like
but yer’ll never make a fool outta me.
Wherever I am, wherever I go,
I’m always the one who sez I told yer so
& yer might jus’ get one over on mi next time!

Salamander Street, Leith

So I met this chick & we hit the streets
Jumped in the cube of an uber taxi,
He drove us home where he tried ter treble up the fee,
I said, yer try all yer like
but yer’ll never make a fool outta me.

Well we drank some wine, feelin fine, snortin lines,
She said,

Married Woman
Boy yer lookin fuckin sexy,
But hurry up sunshine
Mi husband’ll be home at three

TC
I said, yer try all yer like
but yer’ll never make a fool outta me.

Streets of Leith

TC
Wherever I am, wherever I go,
I’m always the one who sez I told yer so
& yer might jus’ get one over on mi next time!

So I dab some coke roll a smoke put on mi coat
Hit the city streets whistlin’ tunes to the moon
Stroll down the hill comin’ down on mi pill til the next time

***

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SCENE 2: TC’s Flat

TC is just kicking back with a tinny – there’s a furious knocking at his door

TC
What the fuck !! Hello

Brooklyn
TC, its me, DJ Brooklyn, let us in

{TC opens the door}

TC
Can I help?

Brooklyn
That’s no way to greet an old pal

TC
You’re right, sorry, how ya diddlin’

Brooklyn
Not too bad, Not too bad, but I seem to have got myself into a bit of a sticky fix

TC
You’re always in a bit of a fix, what is it this time?

Brooklyn
I need your help mate

TC
You still owe me £200 from the last time I helped you out

Brooklyn
Oh yeah, sorry about that, I’ll add it to your fee

TC
My fee?

Brooklyn
Yeah – I need somebody coche to DJ down the Mash House tonight, I cannae get anybody else decent enough on the decks , they’re all booked up, you’re my last hope

TC
How charming – whats the wages

Brooklyn
Including that 200 quid, it’ll be, ehm, 500 altogether

TC
Yeah, alright then, what’s the gig?

Brooklyn
Disco

TC
Disco!

Brooklyn
Yep

TC
Disco’s dead mate

Brooklyn
It can’t be that dead, there’s a shed load of punters have bought tickets for this gig tonight – there’s even a coach load coming from Dumfries – so anyways, I’vejust had a phone call from the band saying their bus has broken down with smoke & flames fuckin’ coming out the fuckin’ engine somewhere near Chelmsford

TC
What band’s that

Brooklyn
The Silver Strobes – a disco band from britsol – I don’t wanna cancel, so, I’m thinking, if we can play some decent disco records the punters migth not even bother about the band not being there, they’ll be too busy roller-skating all over the gaff underneath a glitter ball

TC
I might have a couple of tunes somewhere I could dig out – wait a sec, lets have a look

***

DISCO GOLD

TC
You’ve took the trouble
To cook up a plan
Lets dig for disco gold

I’ve got the shovel
So pick up the pan
Lets dig for disco gold

I’ve got the silver
You’ve got the glitter glory
But where’s the disco gold

Stay funky brother
& when we’re hunky dory
We’ll find that disco gold

Its been {years since 1977} years
Since ‘I Feel Love’
Or so I’m told
We’re gonna dig for disco gold

Brooklyn
Whether stranded in Warsaw
At ya Grandad’s in France
Lets dig for disco gold

TC
We can all hit the dance floor
& learn how to prance
Diggin that disco gold

Brooklyn
Come on & take out the silence
& break down those walls
to find the disco gold

TC
Come on & dig out the diamonds
That shine in your souls
Cos thats the disco gold

Its been {years since 1977} years
Since ‘I Feel Love’
Or so I’m told
We’re gonna dig for disco gold

Brooklyn
Its been {???} years
Since I was born
But I don’t feel old
Because I dig my disco gold

***

Brooklyn
Those’ll fuckin do, nice one TC

TC
Yeah, I got this, should be a cinch – I might even spit some lyrics down over the dancier bits – could be cool

Brooklyn
Yeah, very cool – if it keeps ‘em happy, why not

TC
This new enterprise needs a name, tho’

Brooklyn
Well, obviously something to do with Disco, something kinky like, yeah that works, Kinky Disco….

TC
Nah

Brooklyn
Slinky Disco

TC
Nearly… wait, I got it

Brooklyn
What, what is it?

TC
Tinky Disco!

Brooklyn
Yeah, I like it, & very apt

TC
Damn straight, tinky as fuck me, & proud of it

Brooklyn
I’ll see you down the Mashhouse mate, sound checks at nine

TC
Here you are, take my records in your car will ya – If the punters are their heads on eccies they’ll never notice there’s no band – I need to get a few mor in, & all this vinyl’ll slow me down

Brooklyn
Good tyhin’ … get four in for us will ya – I’m gonna have a double dunt for fun, & I’ll a couple for any hot ladies I might happen to meet

TC
No sweat – see ya tonight yeah

Brooklyn
Laters – & thanks pal, really appreciate it

Exit Brooklyn

TC
Disco! I fuckin’ hate disco – ah well, in for a penny, in for a … well, for five hundred pounds!
{Phones Charlie}
Yo Charlie
{TC puts his coat on}
I’m gonna need 100 sweeties or so for tonght… I’m DJing pal…
{TC exits house}

Yeah I fuckin am…

Exit TC

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